Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
