Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
