omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
