I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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