Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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