Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
