i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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