Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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