I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
