I showed him my bush... on skype.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
