I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
