I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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