I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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