Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
