You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
