I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
