She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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