she smelled like a LAN party
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
