What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
