Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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