Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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