hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
