JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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