fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
