So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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