The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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