If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So here I am, sexting at work.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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