i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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