She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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