Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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