honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
