I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
