Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
