Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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