Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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