it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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