I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
