it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
