Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
