walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
soo... how was my night?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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