Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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