Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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