Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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