Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
