So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Michael Bay diarrhea
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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