I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
