i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We named our party play list daddy issues
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i now understand why vodka
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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