i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
