i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
