My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
