I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
