i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
